Friday, June 9
The recent vitriol directed at England midfielder Owen Hargreaves by the media and fans alike, confirms something that I have suspected for a long time - Men with curly hair are discriminated against. It's true and below I present concrete evidence to support this. On the other hand, women with curly hair suffer no discrimination or abuse - look at the Queen for example - loved by millions!
The myth - Slightly comic 70s performer with a string of dodgy songs and a silly high pitched voice. Dropped off the pop radar in the late 70s and deservedly so. Recently made a comeback and somehow fluked his way to number one.
The truth - Legend sadly overlooked by musical revisionists who have written him out of his major role in 1970s music, because he has curly hair. His recent number one single was well overdue. FACT!
Eddie Large (Little and Large)
The myth - Even Cannon and Ball were funnier than this poor excuse for a comedy duo.
The truth - Eddie Large is the finest British comedian of the last thirty years. His partnership with Sid Little puts even Morecambe and Wise in the shade. Large is only ridiculed because he has curly hair. FACT!
The myth - Member of one of the most preposterous groups of all time. Queen were a truly awful band, writing such crass songs as Fat Bottomed Girls. May was involved in Queen the musical with Ben Elton, for this alone he should be shot. Recently reformed Queen with Free/Bad Company vocalist Paul Rodgers replacing Mercury. The reformation tour was dire.
The truth - The greatest guitarist of his generation and also the coolest. Queen the musical was a fine piece of theatre. His marriage to Anita Dobson upped the curly quotient and made him doubly hated. If he had straight hair, he would be Sir Brian May. FACT!
The myth - Turgid piano led indie band most famous for pissing everyone off by being the soundtrack on the Sainsbury's advert. Songs are complete drivel. They make Keane look talented.
The truth - Toploader are the most underrated British band of the last 10 years. This band has more talent than Coldplay, Franz, David Bowie and the Kaisers put together. Dancing in the Moonlight is an all time classic song and would be rated up there with the likes of Coldplay and Blur, were it not for the fact that singer Joe Washburn has curly hair. FACT!
The myth - His indecisiveness, conservatism and refusal to reform the French monarchy led the the French to reject him. Attempts to compromise and stem the flow of revolution were useless and his indecisiveness led to his downfall. Going on the run he was captured whilst having a picnic just miles from the Belgian border, brought back to Paris and guillotened.
The truth - He was hounded by from the throne by French peasants and then beheaded because, all because he had a curly wig. FACT!
The myth - One of the worst players ever to pull on an England shirt. Can't play midfield, can't play right back, completely useless. He must have videos of Sven in compromising positions with farm animals - How else would he get in the squad? Plus isn't he German anyway? He's a spy in the camp...
The truth - Owen Hargreaves is one of the best defensive midfielders in the world. He anchors the Bayern Munich side, who are the most successful side in Germany. He has more championship medals than most of the rest of the England squad, plus a ton of Champions League experience. He has never shone for England because he has very rarely had the chance to start a game, let along play 90 minutes. People don't like him because he has curly hair. FACT!