Thursday, February 9
I always suspected that Sting had a chauffeur, which is why I choose to use public transport. But now the veruca-infested former Police frontman is suing his ex-driver.
The slightly worryingly named Mick Madadi told British tabloid newspapers that Sting's marriage is not all it seems and he neglects his wife in favour of time along with his banjo:
"Trudie is so needy but Sting is never there. He's just into playing his banjo and getting stoned. The couple are not all they seem."Surely repeated playing of a bluegrass version of Fields Of Gold would be enough to break up any marriage, but Sting refutes these allegations (I'm not sure which part though) and is taking his chauffeur to court.
The Say No To Sting campaign dictates that I immediately stop playing the banjo. This will be a wrench, but I'll manage somehow. Though where the Ukelele stands with regards to this I don't know.
Also, I won't be suing my chauffeur and will instead be rewarding her with an extra packet of Morrisons own brand wine gums, in recognition of the sterling job she does.
In other news, my Northern correspondant Jon 'The Power' Ashley reports in my comments box that Sting has been made an honorary Doctor of Music (DMus) from the University of Newcastle, despite the fact that he already has a honorary doctorate in Music from Northumbria University in 1992.
Nice detective work 'The Power', and let's hope you'll be joining the Say No To Sting campaign by turning down that honarary doctorate from Manchester University for services to Table Football.